


our coming of age has come and gone

by softlass27



Series: Aaron Week 2020 [3]
Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Jealousy, M/M, Pining, Teen AU, Teen Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-14
Updated: 2020-10-14
Packaged: 2021-03-09 02:48:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,801
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27007609
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/softlass27/pseuds/softlass27
Summary: Aaron Week Day 3: "I love you, you idiot!"Life is a bit stressful for 16-year-old Aaron Dingle at the moment. He's just started his A-Levels, his mum continues to be useless and he still hasn't figured out how to tell everyone he's gay.He's also hopelessly, desperately in love with his best friend.
Relationships: Aaron Dingle/Robert Sugden
Series: Aaron Week 2020 [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1967971
Comments: 20
Kudos: 96





	our coming of age has come and gone

**Author's Note:**

> Teen AU where Robert and Aaron are both in sixth form, Chas never left Aaron with Gordon, and Sarah never died.

It’s Friday night in Hotten, and most of the teens from Year 10 and above have all spilled into the only club in town that never checks IDs – one of them being Aaron Dingle. He’s only a few weeks into his first year of sixth form, but the work – and the pressure that goes with it – has already started piling up, and he’s dying to let off some steam.

“Come on, Azza!” His prat of a best friend drapes a long arm around his shoulder and drags him to the bar. “Let’s get a drink down you.”

“Rob, I swear to God,” Aaron groans and shoves him away. “Call me that again and I’ll deck you.”

“Bro, you’ve been sayin’ that for like 10 years,” Adam appears on Aaron’s other side, Holly close behind him. “Still got all his teeth, hasn’t he? Come on, let’s get hammered!”

Aaron wastes no time knocking back shot after shot with Adam and Holly, and working his way through several pints with Robert, Ellis and Andy (who hadn’t exactly been invited but tagged along anyway – much to Robert’s displeasure). The music is terrible – Adam and Robert's dancing is worse – and the room is unpleasantly warm and sticky, but Aaron’s got a half-decent drink in his hand and is finally getting to spend a night having a laugh with his mates. He’s having a good time, all in all.

As the hours go by, Aaron loses sight of most of his friends and the alcohol starts going to his head, making the room swim ever-so slightly. He may be a Dingle, but he hasn’t eaten anything since lunch break and _Christ_ , it’s getting hot in here. He needs a breather. After grabbing his jacket, he pushes his way through the crowd and stumbles up the stairs and out onto the street, gulping in the cold, fresh air. There are a few groups of people he recognises scattered along the pavement, smoking and chatting, rowdy shouts and loud laughter filling the air. 

When he begins to feel slightly more sober, Aaron turns to head back inside when one of the laughs catches his attention, barely audible against the loud beat coming from inside the club. The pitch of it is a little lower than usual, but he’d know it anywhere. Robert.

He turns back, eyes scanning the street until he catches sight of a familiar head of blond hair. Robert’s stood just across the road, facing the wall. Or rather, facing _someone_ who’s leaning against the wall. Aaron rolls his eyes – of course. It’s rare for Robert to make it through a night out without pulling someone, Aaron just hopes it isn’t a bloody White sister this time.

Shaking his head and pushing down that familiar unpleasant feeling he gets when he sees Robert with a girl (okay, maybe that feeling is jealousy, whatever), he’s about to stride back into the club so he doesn’t have to watch any more, when Robert moves slightly to the left and Aaron finally gets a clear view to who he’s with.

And, oh. _Oh._

The realisation clicks like a flashbulb going off, the image in front of him searing his retinas.

It’s not a girl that Robert’s with. It’s a boy. Not one Aaron knows well, but he’s definitely seen him around at school before. Connor… something. Connor Jackson? Connor Jensen?

From his spot outside the club, Aaron can see Connor shoot Robert a cocky smirk, sees him reach out for Robert… put his hands on Robert… _kiss_ Robert.

And Robert’s _kissing him back_. Kissing him the same way Aaron’s seen him kiss girls a hundred times before, reaching his hands up to cup Connor’s cheeks, leaning into him and pulling him closer until they’re practically fused together.

Aaron’s stomach unpleasantly churns like a stormy sea, every drink he’d consumed tonight threatening to make its way back up with alarming speed. Still staring (why can’t he stop staring?), he backs away slowly, further down the street until his shoulder bumps into a lamppost.

It jolts him out of his trance-like state and he abruptly turns around, shoves his hands in his pockets and starts walking away from the club. Faster and faster until he’s jogging, then nearly _sprinting_ until he reaches the nearest bus stop, thanking his lucky stars when a bus turns up in record time. The cool night air and the light sheen of sweat from his brief run makes him shudder as he sinks down into a seat at the back, panting heavily.

On the way back to Emmerdale, he leans against the window and watches the lights of Hotten turn to the dark roads of the countryside, his head starting to spin.

He feels like he’s just seen something he wasn’t supposed to, but then… Robert wasn’t really hiding it, was he? He’d been in, well, not _broad daylight_ exactly, but close enough. It was on a busy main road, illuminated by the neon lights of the club and surrounded by people he knew. Anyone could have seen. Aaron _did_ see.

Had he missed something? Wasn’t there supposed to be some sort of _coming out moment_ before you went around kissing other blokes for all the world to witness? Weren’t you supposed to tell your best mate something like that?

Aaron kicks the back of the empty seat in front of him, anger flooding through his chest out of nowhere. It’s been months – fuck, _years_ – since he’d figured out that he wasn’t interested in girls the way he was supposed to be. It hadn’t been easy, but he’s come to accept the fact that he’s gay now, _he_ _has_. He’s done fighting it. He just… isn’t quite ready for other people to know yet. 

It’s still a secret, his _biggest_ secret. He’s been trying to work up to telling everyone – or at least everyone that matters – for what feels like forever. He’s lost hours of sleep tossing and turning, trying desperately to find the right way, the right moment. But it just never seems to arrive.

And now… apparently Robert’s decided to just _skip_ that part and go straight to getting off with boys as well as girls? Making it look so simple, so casual, so _easy_.

Because that’s what Robert does, isn’t it? Ever since the day a seven year-old Aaron moved to Emmerdale with his mum and met Robert, he’d made _everything_ look easy. School, friends, puberty, girlfriends… Robert breezes through it all with a confidence Aaron could never dream of having. 

Here’s Aaron having a prolonged breakdown over trying to find a way to let the world know he wants to kiss boys, and there goes Robert – the boy he wants to kiss more than anyone else – beating him to it.

Frankly, Aaron know what to think except… _for fuck’s sake_.

The buzz of his phone startles him out of his miserable confusion and he fumbles to pull it out of his pocket. It’s Adam.

_m8 where r u?_

He taps out a quick answer. _on the bus home_

He doesn’t have to wait long for a response. _cheers 4 lettin us know man_

Shortly followed by a row of frowny faces. 

Aaron shakes his head with a small smile, suddenly filled with drunken fondness towards his mate. _sorry mum._

Once Aaron makes it home, he slinks up to his room while his mum’s still serving in the bar and collapses face-down on his bed. He’s exhausted.

There’s another buzz from his phone, and when he checks it his stomach does a brief flip-flop. Robert.

_Hey, Adam said you left early. You ok??_

Aaron stares at the screen for a long time, absently stroking a thumb over the words.

_Yeah mate, just wasn’t feeling great. Pretty knackered tbh._

The reply is near-instant.

_You should’ve said you idiot. I would’ve come with you._

Aaron wants to reply that Robert looked pretty _busy_ when he left, just to see what he’d say in response, but Robert’s already typing another message. He waits with baited breath.

_Did you get home alright?_

_Yeah I’m in bed now. Was nearly asleep when SOMEONE woke me up with a text._

_Alright old man. Still on for breakfast tomorrow?_

_Yep, no way am I missing your mum’s pancakes._

_Cool, see you in the morning then. Get some rest, hope you feel better :-)_

_You know I hate when you put noses in smilies_

_:-) :-) :-)_

_GOODNIGHT rob_

Aaron drops the phone on his chest and slaps his hands over his face with a groan. This turns out to be a mistake, as all he can see in the darkness of his palms is the silhouette of Robert sticking his tongue down Connor’s throat.

He’s so fucked.

*

“Morning, Sarah,” Aaron smiles as he lets himself into Keeper’s Cottage the next morning, breathing in the delicious smell of coffee and bacon. 

“Good morning, darling,” Sarah pops her head out of the kitchen. “How’s my favourite young man, then?”

He grins as she comes over and sweeps him into a brief hug, getting flour all over his hoodie. Ever since Sarah, Robert and Vic had moved out of the Sugden’s farm and into a house just across from the pub, Aaron’s spent most of his Saturday mornings here. It’s his favourite time of the week.

“Don’t let Rob hear you say that.”

“He won’t hear anything if he doesn’t get his _lazy backside out of bed and down for breakfast,_ ” she raises her voice in the direction of the stairs.

There’s a thump on the landing. “Two minutes!” Robert shouts back down.

“It’s just the three of us this morning, Vic’s nipped up to the farm to see her dad,” Sarah says as she returns to the stove. “So, did you have a nice time last night? Robert said you left early, he was a bit worried when you disappeared.”

Aaron blinks, tucking his hands into his sleeves. “Was he?”

“Yes, I was still awake when he came home; we had a brew before bed and he mentioned it.”

“It was alright,” he shrugs. “I was just knackered. Sixth form, y’know? It’s already harder than GCSEs.”

“Well, if you ever need a hand with anything, you know where I am.”

“Cheers, Sarah.”

“But next time, let him know, okay?” Sarah brandishes a wooden spoon at him. “Or Adam or any of your friends. Don’t just go disappearing into the night, love, anything could happen.” 

She mothers Aaron like she’s always done, like he’s one of her own. It always comes to her so naturally, in a way that his own mum has never quite been able to manage. He nods sheepishly and takes a seat at the table.

There’s a loud thundering on the stairs and Robert appears in the doorway, yanking a bobbly knitted jumper over his head. The sight of him sends a startling jolt to Aaron’s system and he drops his gaze to the side.

“Mornin’,” Robert groans around a yawn. “Ugh, thank God for hangover food.”

“I’ll pretend I didn’t hear that,” Sarah says mildly, setting a steaming mug in front of her son and pressing a kiss to his disastrous bedhead, before taking her own seat next to him.

As they dig into the too-large spread Sarah always puts out, Aaron still avoids looking at Robert, keeping his head tucked down and his gaze fixed firmly on his plate. He doesn’t think he can meet his eyes, not after last night. He’s convinced that if he does, Robert will know. 

He’ll know that Aaron’s being off with him, then he’ll realise that Aaron saw him with Connor. He might think Aaron has a problem with it and that’s the last thing Aaron wants, so then Aaron will have to explain what his _actual_ problem is and he’s not ready for that, he doesn’t think he can – okay. It’s possible he’s overthinking this.

“Oi, earth to Aaron?” 

He blinks and looks up to see Robert waving a syrupy knife in his direction.

“Hey, where’d you go?” He’s smiling at Aaron, but with a hint of concern in his eyes. “You okay? Still not feeling great?”

“Nah, m’fine. Was just miles away.”

Robert nods, satisfied. “Was a good night last night, weren’t it?”

_For some more than others_ , Aaron thinks as he shoves a chunk of pancake in his mouth.

*

For a while, Aaron thinks about just _asking_ Robert about it, asking if he has an actual thing going on with Connor. But before he can figure out a way to bring it up, the question is answered for him just a few days later. When they’re all sat in the common room on during a free period, he spots Connor on one of the sofas across the room. He’s not alone, either, he’s with some Year 13 lad Aaron recognises but doesn’t know. And they’re snogging each other’s face off.

Aaron’s head whips in Robert’s direction, but there’s no reaction from him whatsoever. Robert acts like he hasn’t even seen them – except he must have, they’re in full view, practically dry-humping right in front of everyone. He just doesn’t give a shit.

So Robert and Connor… there is no Robert and Connor. That’s one question answered.

Connor must’ve been a one-off. Maybe the _whole thing_ was just a one-off for Robert? He was pretty drunk – Aaron saw the amount of shots he’d put away – so what if he was just… trying it out? Kissing a bloke. 

What if that’s why he’d never said anything? What if he never bothered to come out to Aaron or anyone else because it hadn’t meant anything to him? What if Robert’s decided there isn’t anything to come out _as_?

“Aaron?” Robert waves his advanced maths textbook in his face, breaking Aaron’s train of thought. “You in there?”

“Sorry, yeah. What’s up?”

“Nothin’ much, was just asking if you fancy going to the HOP for chips or something later?”

“Um, sure. Sounds good.”

“You alright?”  Aaron gives what he hopes is a convincing hum. It isn’t, judging by the frown on Robert’s face.  “You sure? Your mum been winding you up or something?”

It’s the perfect excuse, and Aaron sighs with what sounds like frustration (it’s actually relief).

“Yeah, I... think she’s carryin’ on with Carl King. Again.” 

It’s not technically a lie, Aaron’s seen her sneaking out of Carl’s house like a teenager at least twice in the last week. Only he doesn’t actually care this time, not really. His mum can have all the twatty boyfriends she likes, as long as they stay out of his way. And after the hell Aaron gave him last time, he has no doubt that Carl King will stay out of his way.

“Mate.” Robert grimaces, well versed in Chas’s long history of disastrous relationships. “That’s rubbish.”

“S’okay, doesn’t matter. I’ve given up havin’ an opinion on who she does or doesn’t see, it’s not like she cares either way.”

“Well,” Robert picks up his Coke can. “Here’s to shitty parents, eh?”

Aaron quirks a small grin, and taps his own can to Robert’s, joining him in the toast they’ve made dozens of times over the last few years. “To Jack and Chas.”

Robert smiles at him with that wide, blinding smile he has sometimes, the one that makes his eyes crinkle and a dimple appear in his left cheek and fuck, Aaron’s thinking about it again. About what he saw that night and what it might mean.

He knows he shouldn’t be speculating like this. Fuck, he’s already spent months feeling like a shitty friend for having feelings for Robert without him knowing. Obsessing over Robert’s sexuality and the possibilities that it offers makes him feel like an even worse one. It’s none of his business, really.

Even if Robert _is_ his best friend and they’ve always told each other everything.

_You haven’t, though,_ a little voice in his head pipes up nastily. _He doesn’t know the truth about you, does he?_

Aaron stands abruptly, shoving his books into his bag. “Shit, just remembered I’ve gotta print something for this afternoon. See you later.” 

He walks out of the room without looking back and makes his way to the library (because he probably _has_ forgotten to print some work, knowing him) full of new resolve. 

This stupid fucking… _obsession_ stops right now. If Robert wants to tell Aaron anything about himself, he’ll tell him. And maybe – just maybe – Aaron might find the courage to tell Robert something in return.

*

This actually works for a few weeks. Aaron focuses on schoolwork, his shifts at Uncle Cain’s garage, helping his mum in the pub and boxing practice. Every time his mind wanders to thoughts of Robert and _that night_ , he roughly shoves said thought down until it fades away.

And then Bonfire Night happens.

A bunch of them are huddled together, drinking in one of the Barton’s barns long after the fireworks displays has ended. It’s bloody freezing and they’re short of space, what seems like half their year crammed inside, and Aaron finds himself squeezed between Robert and Pete on a scratchy bale of hay.

At any other time, Aaron would probably be hyper-fixated on the fact that Robert is pressed directly against his side, shoulders, arms and thighs aligned. Focusing on the feel of the heat from under Robert’s jeans warming his own skin, the smell of his cheap cologne every time he inhales.

Instead, all he can focus on his how Robert is flirting with Finn Barton.

_Finn fucking Barton._

The more cheap cider they chug back, the worse it gets. Robert laughs at all of Finn’s stupid jokes – most of which aren’t even funny – and Finn’s gazing at him with stars in his eyes like he can’t believe his luck, like all his Christmases have come at once. They talk excitedly about a sci-fi film that’s coming out soon, about new comic books and all the other nerdy shit that they’re both into… what the fuck is _Death Note_ , anyway?

Robert makes fun of the the way Finn splutters on a particularly large gulp of alcohol, but it’s more fond than his usual mocking. He even ruffles his hair at one point, making Finn blush as red as a tomato and reach up to adjust his glasses in a fluster.

Then Finn makes a comment about having drunk too much and drops his head on Robert’s shoulder, and Robert _lets him stay there_. They’re all over each other.

Aaron’s losing his fucking mind.

His stomach is churning again, like it had that night outside the club, except this time it’s even worse. It’s worse because this isn’t a one-off, it’s happening again, if he goes outside later he might see Robert kissing a bloke _again_. 

Another bloke who isn’t him. 

Thankfully, he’s saved from further torture when Adam hooks his phone up to some speakers and starts blasting music as loudly as he can get away with without Moira coming down and giving him hell. People start drunkenly moving to the music, and Matty and Amy are instantly grabbing Finn by the hands, insisting that he dances with them. Aaron revels in the smug feeling that floods his chest when he sees Finn’s look of disappointment as he’s – quite literally – ripped away from Robert’s side.

That is, until Robert laughs and makes to follow them, before pausing and glancing at Aaron.

“You good?” 

Aaron pastes on as much of a convincing smile as he can muster. It makes his cheeks hurt.

“Yep. All good, mate.” 

“Can’t tempt you?”

“Pfft, no chance.”

Robert looks at him for a moment, before smiling and knocking their knees together. “Alright.”

Then he too is sliding off the hay bale and following the others onto the makeshift dancefloor. As soon as he’s out of sight, Aaron makes for the barn door and slips out into the darkness.

The night air is icy-cold, each breath he lets out sending a cloud of air puffing up in his face. As he walks in the direction of the village, he tries to focus on the freezing wind seeping into his bones, hoping it’ll be enough to clear his mind and distract him from the sickening hurt twisting in his gut.

It isn’t.

Instead, his traitorous thoughts keep drifting back to the barn, to Robert and Finn. They’re probably still there, drinking and laughing together, dancing together… _pressed_ together. It would be all-too possible for them to get closer and closer until their mouths press together, too. Not in the darkness of a club or on a random street this time, but in their village, in amongst their friends. Maybe that’s how Robert intends to do it. Announce his sexuality by just… throwing it in everyone’s faces and screw whoever has a problem with it.

Aaron wishes he was that brave. He wishes he was brave enough to risk it all, to tell Robert that he likes him, that he _loves_ him, for fuck’s sake.

But he isn't.

By the time he makes it home, numb fingers struggling to get the key into the lock, the idea of scooping his own brain out of his skull for a few hours, so he doesn’t have to think, is almost unbearably appealing.

Just like the last time, he avoids his mum and trudges up the stairs to his room, dropping to his bed and burrowing straight under the covers in an attempt to get warm. As the feeling slowly returns to his limbs, he suddenly remembers Sarah’s gentle admonishment about leaving without letting anyone know, and reluctantly pulls out his phone.

He’s not about to text Robert, no way, and Adam was using his phone to play music, he won’t be checking it anytime soon. He settles on Holly, pulling up her contact and firing off a quick text to her saying he’s gone home, just incase anyone’s wondering.

_Doubt it._

*

Aaron meets Robert at the bus stop the next day, like he always does. He’s utterly exhausted and his head is pounding, having barely slept a wink the night before, and Robert doesn’t look much better.

“Ugh, why the hell did I drink cider on a school night?” Robert grumbles, dropping his bookbag from his shoulder with a wince. “Never ends well.”

“Need to hold your drink better, mate,” Aaron fires back on autopilot.

“Where’d you go last night?” Robert asks a moment later, leaning his head against the wooden post. “Pulled another disappearing act on me.”

“Nowhere. I was talkin’ to some people outside for a while, then I went back to the village. Meant to say bye but I couldn’t find you.”

It’s flaky and vague, he knows it is, but it’s the best he can manage on two hours of unsettled sleep. He can feel Robert staring at him.

“If you say so,” he mumbles quietly, before letting his eyes fall closed.

They sit in silence for a few long minutes. Aaron curses the bus for being late again.

“Looked like you and Finn were having fun last night,” he suddenly blurts without meaning to, brain immediately filling with sirens and _oh God_ , why did he even open his mouth? This isn’t a conversation he wants to have, not ever. Especially not now.

Robert just shrugs without opening his eyes.

“I know he’s sort of annoying, but he’s not actually so bad once he gets a drink down ’im and loosens up a bit. And he listens to me go on about my _nerd shit_ , as you call it. Y’know, the stuff you won’t let me talk about.”

He quirks a lopsided grin that Aaron can’t help returning, even as he has to swallow down a painful lump inside him.

“Can’t help it if I actually have taste in what I watch, mate.” 

“Oh, because WWE is _so_ high culture, right?”

And just like that, they’re back to bickering like they always do at the bus stop, like they always do _everywhere_ , and it’s almost enough for Aaron to forget all about _Finn fucking Barton_. Almost.

*

“Morning.”

Aaron looks up from his textbook (not that he was reading it, too busy imagining all the different and creative ways he could kill Finn Barton and dispose of the body) to see Holly standing over him with a bright smile.

“Alright?”

“Mind if I sit?” She plops down on the chair next to his without waiting for an answer. “Got your text last night.”

“Uh, yeah, thought I should let someone know where I was. Got a telling off last time I left a night out without saying anythin’.”

“Fair enough,” she nods, picking at her varnished silver nails. “Why’d you text me, though? Not that I mind, just thought you would’ve sent it to Robert or something.”

“Dunno,” Aaron says with a shrug.

“Was it because he was with Finn?”

He freezes. “What’re you on about?”

“Robert and Finn last night, they looked pretty cosy. “ Holly’s face is a picture of innocence and he doesn’t buy it for a second. “And you didn’t look happy about it.”

“I don’t – were you _watching_ me?”

“No, I just have eyes, that’s all. And I know a green-eyed monster when I see it.”

Is he breathing? Aaron doesn’t think he’s breathing. Holly is quick to rest a hand on his arm, slender fingers squeezing his elbow gently.

“Aaron… you don’t have to say anything you don’t want to. But if you ever do… it’s okay, you know? We’ll all be here for you.”

Aaron swallows thickly, head dropping down to look at his book. 

“Not yet,” he whispers, feeling a prick of tears forming in the corners of his eyes. From his peripheral, he can see Holly nodding.

“Okay,” she says rising to her feet with a smile. “For what it’s worth, I don’t think you had anything to worry about last night. I mean, yeah, we all know Finn’s gone on Robert, but I doubt Robert’s interested. _Especially_ considering as soon as he realised you’d disappeared last night, he pretty much ditched Finn and started looking for _you_. Seemed pretty gutted when I showed him the text you sent me.”

Aaron doesn’t know what to do with that, so he settles for a tiny smile back.

“Thanks, Hols.”

*

“Hey.” Robert catches Aaron’s elbow on Friday afternoon. “You fancy stayin’ over at mine tonight?”

“Uh… ”

“Mum’s meeting up with her book club – aka she’s going out to get tipsy on red wine – and probably staying over at her friend's place in York, and Vic’s spending the night at the farm, so I’ve got the house to myself. Thought we could get pizza and maybe play _Until Dawn_ or something?”

He looks at Aaron with a smile that's so hopeful, it’s jarring to see. Usually Robert doesn’t even ask; Aaron’s stayed over there so many nights over the years, Sarah’s joked about charging him rent. The interior of Keeper’s Cottage is so familiar to him, it’s become second-nature for Aaron to just grab the sleeping bag that Robert keeps handy in the bottom of his wardrobe and pass out in his room. It almost feels more like home than the Woolpack does.

But he hasn’t stayed over in a while. He’s been avoiding Robert, he knows he has, and now Robert feels the need to actually invite Aaron round, as if to prepare himself for the possibility of Aaron saying _no_.

Friend of the year, Aaron is. 

“Yeah, alright,” he finds himself saying without hesitation. “You’re on.”

They do get pizza and play _Until Dawn_ , and it’s incredibly, impossibly normal. Aaron takes the piss out of Robert jumping at the scary bits like he always does, Robert moans about Andy like he always does, Aaron rants about his mum like he always does and they chuck water at each other in the kitchen like they always do.

It’s a Friday night like any other, and as it draws to a close and they both start to yawn, Aaron’s left feeling bereft at the thought of his brief return to _how things used to be_ coming to an end.

When he returns to Robert's room after brushing his teeth, Robert is stretched out on his bed and holding his phone over his face, thumb flicking absently across the screen. His hair is its usual blond mess, and his bottom lip is red from where he’d been biting it in concentration while they were playing the video game. Aaron wants to run his hands through his hair, wants to trace the redness with his thumb, and then his mouth.

Somehow, after waiting for so long, it finally feels like Aaron might have found the right time and place. Here, in Robert’s bedroom, where they’ve spent hundreds – maybe _thousands_ – of hours together and the lamp casts familiar shadows on the light blue walls. The safest place in the world.

It suddenly feels like trying to hold everything in for much longer might actually kill him.

So he stops trying.

“I saw you kissing Connor,” he blurts out as he closes the door. “On that night out a few weeks ago.”

Well, that’s wasn’t the smoothest start. Robert shifts on the bed and drops his phone on his chest with a muted thump, before stretching his arms lazily over his head.

“Yeah?” He looks… slightly taken-aback, perhaps, by the abruptness of Aaron’s words, but not overly concerned. Not like he’s feeling exposed or caught out. When he doesn’t say anything further, Aaron nods and takes a deep breath.

“Yeah. And then on Bonfire Night, you and Finn were… ”

This isn’t how he wanted to say it, didn’t want to sound like he was reeling off a list of Robert’s encounters like it was _evidence_ of something, but it’s too late for him to back out now. He’s never been great with words, but getting these ones out is turning out to be even harder than he’d expected.

Now Robert’s looking more wary, the beginnings of a frown creating a soft crinkle between his eyebrows. He still doesn’t say anything, though, and Aaron finds himself speaking again, just to fill the petrifying silence.

“Are you – I mean, you were only with girls before and now you’re – but you’ve not _said anything –_ ”

“I didn’t realise I had to.” There’s suddenly a hard edge to Robert’s voice that makes Aaron’s blood run cold.

“You don’t – it’s – are you – ”

“I’m bi,” Robert cuts him off, arms folded. “I didn’t think you’d – I didn’t think it’d be a big deal.”

“It’s not! I’m not – I’m just trying to – ”

“Is _that_ why you’ve been off with me? _Avoiding_ me?”

“No, that’s not – I mean I haven’t – ”

“Whatever, Aaron.” The note of hurt in Robert’s voice hits Aaron as viscerally as a punch to the face and shit, this is coming out all wrong and it’s about to spiral out of control if he doesn’t fix it _now_.

Aaron’s fear of Robert spending even a few seconds thinking he has a problem with his sexuality suddenly outweighs his fear of Robert knowing the truth. Which is probably why he’s so quick to say what he says next.

“I want you to kiss _me_. Not Connor or Finn or anyone else. Me.”

His eyes are squeezed tightly shut so he can’t see Robert’s reaction, and for what feels like an eternity, there’s only an unbearable silence. Aaron wonders if throwing himself out of the window would seem a bit overdramatic.

Eventually, Robert’s mattress squeaks and there’s the sound of soft footsteps coming closer. He feels Robert’s breath on his face and the feather-light touch of hands on his shoulders.

“Aaron?” 

“Mm.”

“Can you open your eyes?”

“Nope.”

“Please?”

It takes him a second, but Aaron slowly cracks open his eyelids and allows himself to look at Robert, only to see something he didn’t expect to see. He’s smiling at him, eyes wide with… something that Aaron can’t put his finger on.

“Yeah?” Robert whispers.

Aaron doesn’t trust his own voice to remain steady, so he settles for nodding.

“And… you’d want to kiss me back?” There’s a teasing lilt in Robert’s voice, and despite his absolute terror, Aaron shoots him an incredulous look.

“Well yeah, _obviously_. I love you, you idiot!”

Robert’s eyebrows shoot up in surprise. He gapes at Aaron for a moment, before his smile widens to a full-on grin, and he’s laughing – _giggling_ , really – as his hands slide up from Aaron’s shoulders to curl around his jaw, eyes dancing in the dim light.

“Thank God for that,” he murmurs and tilts his head down to press a surprisingly gentle kiss to Aaron’s lips.

For a brief second, Aaron remains motionless. His whole body freezes and his mind can’t quite compute the fact that his best friend is kissing him. _Robert Jacob Sugden is kissing him._

Then Robert lets out a tiny sound – a breathy thing, a small puff of hair from his nose hitting Aaron’s cheek, and just like that, he gets with the program and moves his mouth under Robert’s. Heart pounding, he tips his head back and kisses Robert harder, deeper, until their arms are full of one another.

Aaron’s kissed other people before – soft and quick ones with girls that did nothing for him, and even a clumsy kiss with a bloke named Jackson the one time he’d dared venture into Bar West. That time had been better, exhilarating as it was terrifying… but it had been nothing, _nothing_ like this. 

Robert’s mouth is warm and his lips a little chapped, and when he teases Aaron’s mouth open with his tongue, he tastes faintly of the tea he’d drank earlier that evening. Aaron wants more of it, wants to just _lose himself_ in it, so he does. He's wanted this for so long, there's no way he can bring himself to hold back now. 

As Robert slides his hand back under Aaron’s hair, gripping his curls and changing the angle of their mouths slightly, Aaron’s hands begin to roam, searching for a place to hold. He just wants to feel Robert under his palms – his skin, his warmth, his clothes – so he tugs on Robert’s t-shirt, pulling him closer and sucking his bottom lip softly, gripping the threadbare cotton in his hand.

How long they stay that way, Aaron has no idea. It could’ve been hours or days or _years_ , for all he cares. Robert is the first to eventually pull away, panting and opening his eyes slowly like he’s waking up from a dream. 

“I, um… ” His voice is hoarse and the sound of it makes Aaron’s skin tingle. “I love you, too. In case that wasn’t clear.”

The feeling of sheer and utter relief is nearly overwhelming, and it makes Aaron launch himself back at Robert, not to kiss him this time, but to wrap both arms around his shoulders in the tightest hug he’s ever given him. Or anyone, really.

Robert hugs him back, large hands splayed widely on Aaron’s back and stroking up and down. 

“I’ve felt – I wanted this for ages,” he says into Aaron’s shoulder, the words muffled but just audible. “But I wasn’t sure if you… ”

“Me neither,” Aaron says quickly, trying to fight down the slightly hysterical laughter threatening to bubble out of his chest. “I didn’t know and we’re – you’re my best friend, Rob, I couldn’t risk… ”

He doesn’t know how to explain how deep in his heart Robert’s embedded.

“I know.” Robert squeezes him tighter. “I know.”

*

They don’t sleep. They sit up for hours, talking and kissing and doing some _other stuff_ that makes Aaron really, really glad Sarah’s out of the house.

“So all this time,” Robert says sometime around 2 o’clock in the morning. “You were being weird with me because… what, you were jealous?”

Aaron nods against Robert’s collarbone before smiling up at him apologetically. “Seein’ you with Connor and Finn was… yeah, I hated it.”

“Connor was nothing,” Robert says, quietly but firmly. “And Finn was _definitely_ nothing. Ugh, no thanks.” 

Aaron snorts at the derision in Robert’s tone. “It wasn’t just that, though.” His eyes drift down as he searches for the words, tries to find a way to articulate the jumble of emotions he’s been drowning in for the last few weeks.

“It was… I’ve had a thing for you for so long, since before I even realised I was gay. And even when I figured that bit out, you and me… it just wasn’t an option, y’know? I thought you were straight, so it was just this _thing_ I’d have to keep to myself. And I did, I got used to it, then I saw you and Connor and yeah, I was jealous. But suddenly it was like… everythin’ I thought was true wasn’t, and suddenly there was a _chance_. And honestly, that scared me more than anything and it messed with my head. I’ve been… yeah, I’ve been a mess.”

Robert lets out a long breath. “I thought you were pissed off with me, that I’d done something. Or that there was something goin’ on at home that you weren’t telling me about. I was _worried_ about you, you twat.”

The nuzzle to Aaron's jawline takes the sting out of Robert's words, and he sighs softly. “Sorry. Didn’t mean to make you worry.”

“S’okay, I’ll let you off.”

There’s a short silence as their hands intertwine, Robert's slender fingers playing with Aaron's shorter ones.

“Also,” Aaron adds, slightly sheepish. “I was annoyed at you for coming out before I had the guts to.”

Robert shifts down and turns on his side to face Aaron, so their noses lightly bump together.

“I don’t think it’s a race, mate.”

“I know, I just… it was a bit of a shock to see when you’d not said a word!”

“Sorry, was I supposed to announce it? Stick it in the Hotten Courier?” Robert quirks an amused eyebrow at him.

“Well, you didn’t _have_ to, but most people tend to at least drop it somewhere into a conversation, Rob.”

Robert blinks at him, nonplussed. “Oh. I hadn’t really thought about it, to be honest. I did tell my mum, though. I told her ages ago.”

Aaron can't help smiling at that. Of course Robert had told Sarah, if nobody else.

“Yeah? What’d she say?”

“Pretty much what you’d expect,” Robert says with a brief shrug. “She loved me just the same, and as long as I was happy it made no difference to her. After that, I decided it didn’t really make any difference to me, either. People can think what they like, why should I care?”

That made… total sense, actually. In a very _Robert and Sarah_ sort of way.

“Your mum’s brilliant.”

“Yeah, she’s gonna be _thrilled_ about this.” Robert gestures between the two of them. “Pretty sure she loves you even more than me.”

“Give over,” Aaron pokes him, laughing.

“So… you haven’t told anyone, then?” Robert asks quietly. “About you?”

Aaron shakes his head. “You’re the only one who knows. Well, I think Holly’s figured it out but she knows all things so… ”

“Makes sense, pretty sure she's psychic, that one," Robert agrees, before the look on his face turns tentative. “So... you and me... d’you want to keep this just between us for now? Because I don’t mind, Aaron, I’d never push you into anything you’re not ready for.”

Aaron stares at Robert, heart swelling inside his chest with so much love he feels like it might actually explode.

“No… ” he hears himself say faintly. “I mean, I sort of want you to myself for a bit. But I don’t – I’m not keeping us a secret, Rob, not for long. I'm done keeping secrets.”

“Are you sure? Don’t feel like you have to come out just for me, Aaron, that wouldn’t be – ”

“I don’t,” Aaron cuts Robert off, and is surprised by how much he means it. “As long as you’re there, I’m ready for people to know. I want people to know.”

Robert stares at him for a long moment, before that blinding smile of his is back again, the one with the dimple, and Aaron’s starting to wonder if that smile is actually _his_ smile. One that Robert’s reserved specially for Aaron.

He gathers Aaron close and kisses his temple and cheeks and nose (weirdo) and his still-swollen lips, before whispering, “You fancy bein’ my boyfriend, then?”

Aaron groans and pinches Robert’s arm. “Seriously? Did you have to?”

“Well I thought I’d better ask!” Robert shoots back, chest shaking with silent laughter. “Be chivalrous n’all that.”

Aaron just shakes his head and bumps their foreheads together, sighing fondly. 

“Yeah,” he eventually whispers a few moments later, eyes closed. “I’ll be your boyfriend.”


End file.
